saying goodbye

(written the day before leaving Maibu)
By this time tomorrow we will be gone from this place. It will always be my home on the other side of the world. I'm leaving more than a little of my heart. Here, God taught me that I am not at all cut out to be a missionary... but He takes what is broken and makes it new and just so- He takes this flawed, selfish, sinner-girl and puts her through the refining fire of a short-term mission trip... and now she is a little bit more like the person God has planned for her to be. She knows a little bit more about taking care of herself (cooking over a campfire, washing laundry by hand), and cares a little bit less about silly creature comforts (I say a little bit less because I am still really looking forward to a hot shower and washing machines). She shared her testimony and the gospel countless times, and she has seen the beauty of a people the way God sees them. The beauty of a life transformed by the message of hope... nothing else in this world can compare. She's seen Jesus in the small things and learned to count it all joy. This girl has changed a bit. She has long, thick, unruly hair and strange tan lines. More than these things though, her heart has changed. Where before she was content with nursing school life... now she is looking beyond. Life is about more than just studies and many have yet to hear the Good News.
    I have His hope in me to share with the world. Now that I have seen the need, lived in the need, and befriended the needy... I am responsible. My life is worth nothing unless I am poured out for Christ. This trip to the other side of the world confirmed that medical missions is my heart. Long term. I have no more specifics of what that will look like, but I don't need to right now. I just know that my life is not my own and there is much freedom in saying that, because God can do much greater things with me surrendered than with me planning my way. Nehemiah Teams has been a huge help in this summer of ministry and self-discovery. From arranging supervisors and mission locations to the discipleship materials, I have been blessed. I have learned what it means to be a World Christian, and as disciples of Jesus we are COMMANDED, not called, to be part of reaching the nations with the love of Jesus.
So I am saying goodbye to a season and a people that have taught me much. My eyes leak drops of love and joy... He isn't finished with us yet. (Philippians 1:6)

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.

No turning back.

the adventure of saying yes

You have to be some sort of brave to say yes to God. After all, He rarely outlines His plan and all the details in advance. The key to this type of adventure is faith. Trusting God has it all together when you can't see how the pieces fit. After all, adventures aren't always fun. Sometimes they are hard and exhausting. Your purpose in adventuring determines whether or not you keep going. In this missionary journey, the purpose is to share the story of Jesus. I've learned a lot on this adventure- hard to believe there is only a week more on this bit of earth before the journey back to the states. But I have a feeling this adventure will linger. I've learned much about myself and my Jesus that I cannot wait to share, but there is also a fire deep in my heart that cannot be quenched. I need to talk about the hope and love and grace and greatness of my Jesus. Like a fish needs water. I'm not especially brave nor do I have much faith. More often than not the "Oh you of little faith..." statements of Jesus prick this doubting heart... But I've learned the secret- just say yes. Saying yes brought me to the Philippines- the opposite side of the world from where I thought I would be. Saying yes brought several new brothers and sisters in Christ and many new friends. Saying yes brought laughter and joy and countless new experiences with a team that God designed. Saying yes put me waaaay out of my comfort zone and made me fall only on God. Saying yes brought struggles and sickness and tears and scraped knees and exhaustion. Saying yes brought chipped toenail polish from kneeling on cement praying fervently for His kingdom to come, His will to be done.
My prayer is to never stop saying yes to God. The day I stop is the day I have forgotten what is truly important, and I might as well stop wasting oxygen. My prayer for you, right now reading this? that somehow, someway you see Jesus in these words and realize that saying yes Lord, your will be done in my life, yes Lord I will go, yes Lord I will speak, yes Lord... is the only way to truly live because he alone knows all you are capable of accomplishing in Him. Be brave because He is worth it all, and walking with Jesus is the best kind of adventure.

be brave

Darkness to light

For the love of Christ compels us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 2 Corinthians 5:14

Truly truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life will lose it and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12: 24-25

Two weeks since I last blogged and much has happened. Our bible studies have produced fruit and we have several new brothers and sisters in Christ. God's Word does not return to him empty! He is using these weak and broken vessels to carry the treasure of the gospel to these people hungry for truth. Many believe simply being good is enough- they do not understand the richness of the gift of Jesus and the need, desperate need we have for him because we are such sinners. My team and I are learning to pray without ceasing and seek him more and more. God is also showing up in awesome ways. 

Let me tell you a story... When we arrived in the barangay at the beginning of June we heard of a man who had been attacked by another man with a machete. This week, that man and his wife (Kuya and Ate) came to our house. In the hospital, he was so cut up that no one expected him to survive... as he told the story the still fresh scars on his disfigured face and stretching down beneath his shirt gave testament to the brutality of the attack. Then he said - we have come because we want to know more about Jesus. When I was dying I had a vision of Jesus kneeling at my feet, weeping. Tears filled his good eye "I want to know him." Our translator, Jinky, has a similar testimony about her father that caused her fmily to turn to Christ and she shared about God's grace and His ability to use terrible things for good. Grace, who that very morning had prayed for God to send us someone wanting to know Him, shared the gospel. Tears of joy flowed freely as they prayed. We then felt led to bring up the subject of forgiveness for this man's attacker. Their response astounded us- Kuya said he had already forgiven him- he wants him to know Jesus too. Ate said Kuya told the man's brother, when he visited the man in jail, to tell him Kuya was praying for him and all was forgiven. Both smiled in quiet joy and spoke of the peace they felt after visiting us and learning about Jesus. To say we were completely amazed by the ways of God is an understatement!
Ate is 9 months pregnant (now at the time I am finally getting to type this, she had the baby on a Sunday morning 2 weeks ago... we stopped by on our way to church and she was in labor... 15 minutes later out came a beautiful baby boy! Truly a miracle and we were so blessed to be there to watch/help!) We have had several chances to visit and talk with her and every time I walk away humbled and in awe of my Jesus. To take such darkness and turn it into such LIGHT! Wonderful, redeeming love.

 

Jemuel, 2 minutes into life

The pages of my Bible come alive in this place. There is no greater joy than carrying my little candle, my light, my treasure into darkness. And maybe I can die to myself a little bit more each day, so this vessel can be emptied of me and filled with Him, so that light can shine brighter.
We read mission articles and biographies during our team time that also cause us to grow as disciples (so thankful for Nehemiah Teams- I recommend it to everyone!). One quote that stood out to me this week was from a sermon by C.T. Studd, "Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby- pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God; we will venture out all for HIm; we will live, and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come to this position, the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God... one of daring faith and works for Jesus Christ. "
My heart is full. I'm having a hard time believing we will be leaving here in 2 short weeks. Keep praying for God to bring disciples who will make disciples!
On the quirky side: We celebrated the 4th of July with smores and watermelon. We have all discovered our favorite veggie, as a team, is eggplant. I ate a really sketchy SNAIL this week (that's a funny story, ask me about it when I get home). American girls with an needy sweet tooth can do anything... including making french toast with brown sugar, powdered milk, eggs, and rolls... for dinner. I'm also pretty much a pro at taking manual blood pressure...haha
---more to come---

---the family that has my heart---

Praise the One who brings LIGHT!

Jemuel (2 weeks old) and big brother Teben