Batah

Two posts in one day.... that's what happens when you spend 2 hours in the Word!
God has renewed my hunger for His Word... and I am so grateful. What sweet conversations we have when I shut out the world and sit down to talk with Him. He has so much to show us... often we barely skim the surface because we are rushing on to the next thing on the to-do list.

I have been struggling lately with trust. I know my faith is so small. I do not trust Him as I should and it breaks my heart, because I know He is worthy... I just don't live like it.
One of the (several) Hebrew words for faith is Batah which means "trust in, trust or rely on; feel safe, trust, be full of confidence"
Batah-faith finds confidence in God, and does not worry about the trivial... instead she fixes her heart on His righteousness and finds rest in Him alone. She is confident that He hears when she calls to him. She clings to Him in every trial, and hopes in Him regardless of the storm.

Batah is used for the word trust in Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us. Selah." Selah means to pause, reflect on all He has done, remember his faithfulness.
Also the trust in Psalm 9:10 is batah-faith "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
other verses that contain batah as the Hebrew for trust: Psalm 37:3,5 & 40:3 & 56:3-4 & 91:2,
Proverbs 3:5, Isaiah 26:4, Jeremiah 17:7

I don't pretend to be an expert on Hebrew or the meanings of these words, but this is what God has shown me.
How silly we are to forget and try to seek security in our own strength/abilities, other people, or material things. He is faithful and worthy of all our trust.
Follow the Forever Faithful. Batah

This song goes with Psalm 62, by Aaron Keyes, and so true.

Dayenu

"Dayenu" in Hebrew means "it would have been enough"
Google it for a clearer explanation of the history and context, but let's just say I was blown away by this one little word...
Dayenu. It would have been enough. Even if Jesus only died for our sins and rose again... it would have been enough. However, He didn't stop there. He offers us a personal relationship with Christ. He is involved in our daily lives. Dayenu. He doesn't stop there... He could've held back, but instead He has given us so much.
This is my personal journey into the ocean of meaning that is Dayenu...
I challenge you to get alone with God and see what He shows you about dayenu in your own life...

"Your mercy, Father. Dayenu. It would have been enough. But you didn't stop there, you showed me grace. Dayenu. Your grace gave me salvation. You forgave my sins. You died for me. Dayenu. And you LOVE me. Me. The wretched, filthy, good for nothing sinner that I am... You, the King of the Universe, Creator of all, the One who holds everything together... YOU love me. Dayenu. You are the Bread of my life. You speak to me through your Word, through others, through song, through a still small voice... Dayenu. You move through me. You use me to do your work, you allow me to be a part of your family. You use me to bring you glory. Dayenu. You chose me, you called me to be a medical missionary and bring health and hope to those who haven't heard. I am such an unworthy vessel to carry the Good News, and so flawed- yet You have chosen to let your healing and hope flow through me. Dayenu. You are equipping me. You didn't just call me, you are daily preparing me for the mission field. Dayenu. You are my Provider. You provide the funds for me to attend UM. You provide strength for me to get through each day. You provide peace in the middle of my worry and confusion. You provide for all my needs. Dayenu. You lead me. You show me where to go, you direct my path. You help me find my way. Dayenu. When times get hard, you are my comfort. When I have no where else to turn and I've searched everywhere else for help, You are there waiting. You never leave my side even if I wander away. When I finally turn back to you, You are there patiently waiting... and you lift me up and carry me. I am so unworthy. Dayenu. You are my best friend. The One I can always run to, who will never leave me. Dayenu. You are the Lover of my soul. You are my Only. You hold the keys to my heart. Even if you never send my Prince Charming, still I will trust you. You are my Only and I will be satisfied in You. Make Your desires mine, Father. Dayenu. You are my everything. Dayenu. You are more than I could ask for, imagine, or ever dream. You know me, you know my needs, and you care for me. You care about me... You love me. Even when my faith fails and I don't trust you as I should, You still love me unfailingly, unconditionally. You are my all in all, Father. Dayenu.
Dayenu sounds like "die anew"-- Each day I have to die anew to myself and my desires and run after His will and His desires. We all have to die anew, and rest in His faithfulness.

Dayenu, Father

Talitha koum

I really shouldn't go this long without blogging, because then I wind up with entirely too much I want to say... but with life so busy with papers and finals... I'm just now stopping to rest and breathe.
Thought of the day? I hate saying goodbye. Especially when it means that I don't know when I'll see my best friend again...
I know goodbyes are a part of life, but that fact does not make them any easier. But He never said this life would be easy, did He?
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord who has compassion on you. -Isaiah 54:10
This is his promise. He is faithful, even in the middle of the chaos and confusion.
I just want to share some of the scripture God has shown me... and I want you to know that I did not pray for strength, because I don't know how to use the strength He gives. No, I prayed for Him to carry me. Let this be your prayer, especially if you feel like you are stumbling through the desert... because I'm stumbling through it too.
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Be my rock of refuge to which I can always go... Your righteousness reaches to the skies, Oh God, you who have done great things. Who, oh God, is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." -Psalm 71: 3, 19-21

Why do we forget so quickly how faithful our God is? He has brought us through so much, and even if we must walk through a trial for this short time, He will restore our lives again. He IS our comforter, even when we try to push Him away. His love is unfailing, and his wisdom is incomprehensible. Even though the road is hard, there is a reason He is leading us down it. So we can either look impatiently for the end, and close our eyes tightly to the pain along the way... or we can see the pain, accept it as part of the journey, and look along the path among the pain for the lesson He is trying to teach us.
My heart's cry in this time:
From when I wake up until I lay down again,
May my every moment be lived in submission to You.
Let me seek You first
and come to You always
with every tear, need, smile, and joy
You are my Only.

Song of my heart: Be Thou My Vision
"Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light
Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I , Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not nor man's emptly praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are
High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all"


Mark 5:41 "He took her by the hand and said to her, 'Talitha koum!' (which means, 'Little girl, I say to you, arise!')

A word from my Father:
"Little girl, I say to you, arise! Shake off your chains of sorrow, and step into the freedom of my peace. Yes, there will still be pain. I need to refine you. I want you to be more like me, and for that you have to be tested. I know it hurts. I know. But I will carry you if you let me. All you have to do is ask. Turning to others for comfort in this time will only get you so far. You have to turn to Me. Run to my arms, daughter! I'm waiting on you. I love you so much, and I know you feel forsaken by me. But I promise I have never left your side. Will you trust me? Will you obey even though it's hard? Will you follow me? The road only gets harder from here. You have no idea how much harder... but if you take the easy path you won't grow. If you don't grow how can I use you for all I made you for? Arise, daughter. You know the way to which I have called you. It will not be easy, but it is the only way for you. My way. Take up your cross. You are beginning to see what it feels like to leave everyone behind in order to run after me. I promise you it's worth it. Please stop thinking only of your own discomfort... think of all those I'm sending you to who need the hope that you have in your heart. Run the race with endurance. Do not lose heart. Put your confidence in Me. Let me be your Only. Follow me.
Talitha koum."

Let Him steady your heart.
This new song by Kari Jobe is the music to what this post expresses...

Some days I just feel like running away. Running until the chaos and demands of life are far behind me, and I'm lost. Lost somewhere in the woods, far away from everyone, but close to Jesus, kneeling at the feet of my Creator.

When you're overwhelmed and empty, you need that time to get alone with God and get lost in His Word. Although I couldn't run away and get lost today, I did escape for a while into the woods... just me, my Bible, and Jesus.

I just want to share the view, and a little of what God showed me...


"For this is what the Lord says: 'I will extend peace to her like a river... As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you... the hand of the Lord will be made known to his servants." (Isaiah 66:12-14)


Then I camped out in Hebrews for a while...


Chapter 4: Entering God's rest is an important part of hearing from God and being changed by the Word of God. If you're always busy, then you have no time to rest at God's feet and let Him fill you with His power.

"Let us hold firmly to the faith we profess" (4:14) Even when you're overwhelmed and empty... hold firmly to your faith, and find your confidence in Him so that "we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (4:16)

Jesus offered up prayers, and "he was heard because of his reverent submission" (5:7) God hears the prayers of those who are obedient, who submit to his will, regardless of their understanding of the circumstances. And Christ "learned obedience from what he suffered" (5:8) Learning obedience is rarely easy; often it's a tough, painful lesson that we all must learn in order to be effective servants of Christ.

However, we have the promise of his blessing, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf." (6:19-20)

"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith... Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on to love and good deeds." (10:22-24) We know the road will be hard, we know He has promised to never leave us, and we have Jesus interceding on our behalf; therefore, draw near to God and stand firm in your faith. Encourage others in love, pour into others, because God has poured into you.

10:35-39... Be confident in Christ, persevere, and live by faith

Chapter 11... Reading this made me realize what little faith I have, and how mighty our God is... to take ordinary people who had even the smallest bit of faith, multiply it, and work extraordinarily throughout their lives.

Chapter 12:1- Run with perseverance, 12:2- Fix your eyes on Jesus, 12:3- Consider Him, do not grow weary or lose heart

So, run away from the world. Find you a spot in the the midst of His creation to look up in wonder and look inward at your heart. Let God move, let God shape you... and walk away with a lighter, fuller heart. Be overwhelmed by his grace and love. See how he brings beauty from ashes...

Sustainer

"But You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." Psalm 3:3-5

Sometimes you just get to that point where you don't think you can go any further. The world as you know it has come crashing down, and you feel alone. Set adrift, cut loose from the moorings of comfort and routine, left to rediscover what to do with the ashes of your former self. With burnt hands you approach the altar, broken, bruised, battered, longing just to know why. Why life has to be so hard. Kneeling in brokenness, tears fall. Tears of pain, water droplets crystallizing the trial. Tears falling down on tea colored wood, the altar of the Lord. That's where they should be. Your brokenness and pain, on the altar for God to use. For Him to transform. Let Him bind up your brokenness and build on the foundation of realizing that you are at the end of yourself. Let Him draw you close. Sometimes He lets us get burned just so we will turn to Him. So he can pull us close and put aloe and band-aids on our burned hands. He loves us so. We cry in pain, try to blame, push away… then fall helpless and hurting into his arms.
Let Him carry you. This storm will rage, the shadows of the valley loom, but He is here. He is here.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Even though I feel so lonely, like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through the storm"

"For Thou O Lord
Are a shield to me
My glory and the lifter of my head"

Time in the valley doesn't mean a gray cloud of sadness follows you like a shadow. Instead, one moment is filled to the brim with happiness, and the next drops you into a pit of despair... At least it has been so in my experience.
The only way to travel through the valley is to trust He has a plan, and take each day as it comes… step by step. Trusting that His grace is sufficient for this moment, for this hour, for today.
Trials bring strengthening of faith, so my heart's cry… Help me in my unbelief! I believe, even in my unbelief. I trust, even in my confusion. I love you, even in the valley.

Why? Why? Why? That's the consuming question when darkness surrounds and tears drown…
But maybe...maybe the King of the Universe is captivated by you. Maybe He loves you so much He just wants you closer. Maybe the only way you'll ever come close enough is if He sends trials
...and the pain sends you running into His open arms.
Maybe it's crazy, but maybe it's true.
"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

"The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here.
But just because You love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise, You're not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
then I will go through the fire if you want me to
It may not be the way I would've chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
but you never said it would be easy
You only said I would never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to." (Ginny Owens)

Is Jesus Really Enough?

"All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me" -Chris Tomlin "Enough"

We sang this song tonight at church, and I just thought about the words as I was singing...Yes, He is more than enough for me... but do I live like it? When we run around trying to make life work our way, implement our plan... are we really living like He's enough? When we worry and stress (yes, I'm guilty) we are not trusting and we are saying that he's not enough, as if by worrying we can change or fix anything. When you're out of your comfort zone (freshman in college..hello?), when your friends are far away, and when you can't seem to hear God... will you still trust that He is enough?
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
He knows my every moment. So often, He just wants me to slow down, sit at his feet, and be still before Him. To listen. To worship. Or simply to rest. On days (like yesterday) when I'm confused about life and subconsciously stressing about everything... He wants me to come spill my heart to him in prayer... and then trust that He's got it under control. So, now I'm waiting for God to show me the next step. But you know what? It's okay, because He is more than enough for me.
One more song reference...the cry of my heart (especially in the middle of this confusion):
"Lord here am I won't You send me to
The broken and the weak
To the desperate and forgotten Lord
I'm giving You everything
All my selfish plans, my greedy hands
My hope in the American dream
Lord I give my life, lay down my pride
I'm giving You everything, God,
Here am I send me
I’ll follow wherever You lead
I will tell the world that Jesus is the way
Send me Lord here I am
I offer my dreams my plans
I will give my life a living sacrifice
Lord here I am"
-Matt Papa "Here I Am, Send Me"

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Light of the Village

It would probably make the most sense if I started with the story of what God has done in my life up to this point, but since that is a rather long story I will just type what is on my heart today...
Yesterday I went to the Light of the Village block party. Light of the Village is an inner-city ministry that provides classes, tutoring, activities, camps, and a safe place for kids to spend time and learn about Jesus. It was in the ghetto, the families were broken, and the children were barefoot with dirty clothes... my thoughts? This is home. This is where I am called to serve. Among the broken and dirty and unloved. So I jumped right in and loved those children. We played and ran and jumped and laughed until I was exhausted. The exhaustion was so sweet though... because it was colored with joy. Pure joy and happiness at being able to live my passion by serving and loving on kids. For just a few hours they were able to be carefree and know that someone cared... and that someone was waiting at the end of the slide to catch them whaen they came down.
Life lesson learned? It's the little moments that make the difference.
When I come hurtling down the slide- out of control and dizzy from the ride- He is there to catch me, brush me off, set me back on my feet, and lead me in the right direction.
"Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." Psalms 25:4-5