Sustainer

"But You are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." Psalm 3:3-5

Sometimes you just get to that point where you don't think you can go any further. The world as you know it has come crashing down, and you feel alone. Set adrift, cut loose from the moorings of comfort and routine, left to rediscover what to do with the ashes of your former self. With burnt hands you approach the altar, broken, bruised, battered, longing just to know why. Why life has to be so hard. Kneeling in brokenness, tears fall. Tears of pain, water droplets crystallizing the trial. Tears falling down on tea colored wood, the altar of the Lord. That's where they should be. Your brokenness and pain, on the altar for God to use. For Him to transform. Let Him bind up your brokenness and build on the foundation of realizing that you are at the end of yourself. Let Him draw you close. Sometimes He lets us get burned just so we will turn to Him. So he can pull us close and put aloe and band-aids on our burned hands. He loves us so. We cry in pain, try to blame, push away… then fall helpless and hurting into his arms.
Let Him carry you. This storm will rage, the shadows of the valley loom, but He is here. He is here.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Even though I feel so lonely, like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through the storm"

"For Thou O Lord
Are a shield to me
My glory and the lifter of my head"

Time in the valley doesn't mean a gray cloud of sadness follows you like a shadow. Instead, one moment is filled to the brim with happiness, and the next drops you into a pit of despair... At least it has been so in my experience.
The only way to travel through the valley is to trust He has a plan, and take each day as it comes… step by step. Trusting that His grace is sufficient for this moment, for this hour, for today.
Trials bring strengthening of faith, so my heart's cry… Help me in my unbelief! I believe, even in my unbelief. I trust, even in my confusion. I love you, even in the valley.

Why? Why? Why? That's the consuming question when darkness surrounds and tears drown…
But maybe...maybe the King of the Universe is captivated by you. Maybe He loves you so much He just wants you closer. Maybe the only way you'll ever come close enough is if He sends trials
...and the pain sends you running into His open arms.
Maybe it's crazy, but maybe it's true.
"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

"The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here.
But just because You love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise, You're not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
then I will go through the fire if you want me to
It may not be the way I would've chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
but you never said it would be easy
You only said I would never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to." (Ginny Owens)

Is Jesus Really Enough?

"All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me" -Chris Tomlin "Enough"

We sang this song tonight at church, and I just thought about the words as I was singing...Yes, He is more than enough for me... but do I live like it? When we run around trying to make life work our way, implement our plan... are we really living like He's enough? When we worry and stress (yes, I'm guilty) we are not trusting and we are saying that he's not enough, as if by worrying we can change or fix anything. When you're out of your comfort zone (freshman in college..hello?), when your friends are far away, and when you can't seem to hear God... will you still trust that He is enough?
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
He knows my every moment. So often, He just wants me to slow down, sit at his feet, and be still before Him. To listen. To worship. Or simply to rest. On days (like yesterday) when I'm confused about life and subconsciously stressing about everything... He wants me to come spill my heart to him in prayer... and then trust that He's got it under control. So, now I'm waiting for God to show me the next step. But you know what? It's okay, because He is more than enough for me.
One more song reference...the cry of my heart (especially in the middle of this confusion):
"Lord here am I won't You send me to
The broken and the weak
To the desperate and forgotten Lord
I'm giving You everything
All my selfish plans, my greedy hands
My hope in the American dream
Lord I give my life, lay down my pride
I'm giving You everything, God,
Here am I send me
I’ll follow wherever You lead
I will tell the world that Jesus is the way
Send me Lord here I am
I offer my dreams my plans
I will give my life a living sacrifice
Lord here I am"
-Matt Papa "Here I Am, Send Me"

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Light of the Village

It would probably make the most sense if I started with the story of what God has done in my life up to this point, but since that is a rather long story I will just type what is on my heart today...
Yesterday I went to the Light of the Village block party. Light of the Village is an inner-city ministry that provides classes, tutoring, activities, camps, and a safe place for kids to spend time and learn about Jesus. It was in the ghetto, the families were broken, and the children were barefoot with dirty clothes... my thoughts? This is home. This is where I am called to serve. Among the broken and dirty and unloved. So I jumped right in and loved those children. We played and ran and jumped and laughed until I was exhausted. The exhaustion was so sweet though... because it was colored with joy. Pure joy and happiness at being able to live my passion by serving and loving on kids. For just a few hours they were able to be carefree and know that someone cared... and that someone was waiting at the end of the slide to catch them whaen they came down.
Life lesson learned? It's the little moments that make the difference.
When I come hurtling down the slide- out of control and dizzy from the ride- He is there to catch me, brush me off, set me back on my feet, and lead me in the right direction.
"Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." Psalms 25:4-5