Since I last put my fingers to the keys to convey a snippet from life's journey, I have been across the sea to the islands and cities of Italy, and up into the mountains of North Georgia, Tennessee, and North Carolina.
So much adventure. Words can't quite explain it...
And so it's hard being home. Where is home, really? For me, I've found it to be with Jesus. Since He is always with me, it is possible to make any place a temporary home, but the place for which my heart longs is and will always be, heaven.
Meanwhile, the most transient place on earth has become the closest thing to feeling like home. Camp Highland... living among the mountains where the river runs deep and the sun burns hot and the mist and wildflowers and clouds and shadows and dancing leaves all shout that HE is here and He longs to draw you near. The people are family because when you all love Jesus more than anything and spend your days serving and running after Him... a bond is formed that is stronger than blood because it is of the Spirit and your heart knows these are friends and that even though paths diverge too soon at the end of 10 weeks, you will see each other again because at the end of the race we are all going to the same Home.
So for the second summer I served at Camp and loved every minute of it. I loved that I was stupid exhausted by Week 2 and I had nothing left to give, so I had to utterly rely on Jesus to love through me... and He did.
The trips with the high school girls, long car rides jamming to Justin Bieber and 90's music, then backpacking and camping, chatting around the fire late into the night, opening hearts and sharing tears as we passed around the chocolate, grahams, and 'mallows. Learning to choose joy like a boss when the blisters came, and the Chacos rubbed, and we were still hiking in the beautiful wilds of His creation... then the resting on the boat, getting trashed as we tubed because we play hard, trusting that God will provide the strength for tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Kayaking, my favorite part of the week, taking tandem kayaks down the whitewater of the Hiwassee and the sunshine and the chill of the splashing rapids crystallizing the laughter and the adventure and making time stand still just a little bit... some weeks learning hard lessons from the river and others just frolicking and reveling in the beauty surrounding us. Camping again, with hot dogs and river stories about who flipped out and who did not, seeing friends and pulling out the Enos to hang beneath the stars that stretched across the sky like some sort of magnificent.... and then the awesome spontaneous sometimes....when we hiked to the waterfall at night and it was lit up with green lights, and climbed a mountain to go rock climbing and read Ephesians on the overlook for hours, and hiked to waterfalls and then climbed them in the rain.... all the while getting the awesome opportunity to walk beside some high school girls and share the wonder of his beauty and grace and love and faithfulness... and it was beautiful. To see their hearts, to see them seek, to see them find. God came near.
But just as beautiful were the weeks with the younger girls.. I just had to look a bit closer for the adventure because I also had to be a mom and keep everyone together and repeat myself fifty times... but then their childlike faith would absolutely melt me as they asked questions and wanted more of Jesus and an hour wasn't long enough but they had more questions and they were growing and finding Him and realizing His love... and that was joy. And that was worth all the repeating myself and being woken up in the middle of the night to kill a spider and all the extra trips to everywhere because someone forgot something again... I would see Jesus in the most unexpected places through them... A little girl not even from my cabin asking me to pray for her to be a light to her lost friend, little ones overcoming fear at Drop Zone and High Ropes, hearing what they are learning during debriefs, tucking all the girls in because this is not home and they need to know they are loved before they can go to sleep, when one comes up to randomly hug and say "you're beautiful" or "you're nice" and runs away again to play octagon ball...
Then that one time when God reminded me of my own brokenness and His unending love through a child's tears...a homesick girl asking for me during worship, the reluctant walk to go comfort the one who had been disrespectful and pushed away my attempts to love her already today. Taking her in my arms, pulling her wet, pond-water covered self into my lap and quietly explaining the worship songs and how it's ok to miss mommy but try to focus on Jesus and how much He loves you instead of on something you can't change. Then singing and praying over her and realizing that this isn't me loving on her right now because I had nothing left, but it's God loving through me and I'm getting to be but a vessel, and see how He loves and how He calls a lost sheep to Himself. And the face of that homesick little girl was my face, so often ungrateful for the blessings surrounding me, wanting something different and Jesus quietly holding me in His arms and reminding me of the riches I have in Him. Then the next night, sharing testimonies and she shares that in my arms was when she understood what God's love meant and she accepted Christ the next night- and the tears come because I know it was not me, but God let me be a part of it and I am so very grateful.
The way that our staff stood in the gap for one another, always serving and encouraging and anticipating needs they could meet so that others could serve more easily was truly astounding. It was such a picture of the body of Christ that my heart recognized it as being as close to Home as we can get on the earth, and I didn't want to say goodbye. I was so blessed by each of my cos. To be able to lead alongside those ladies was such a gift, and I learned so much from each one of them. Truly iron sharpening iron.
So I miss camp, and the way that His grace shone in the sunsets and the rainbows... the camaraderie of running hard playing Ultimate and sneaking into the kitchen to get dirt cake or ice cream... the quiet mornings on the porch with my chipped blue mug of coffee and my Bible... the notes in my mailbox reminding me to choose joy because He is faithful...
Even though I miss it, I will choose joy now because God has taught me so much about what it looks like to serve Him and die to self and and I am walking away changed. I have many new friends and stories, and I am closer to my Savior... and this is only the beginning. There's a semester ahead of me with many opportunities to choose joy and run hard in the wild adventure of following Jesus.
So this gypsy heart will be satisfied with memories for now.
Looking back at my pictures of Italy I'm reminded that there are so many stories to be told from those adventures among the ancient streets, beautiful ruins, and majestic cathedrals... but that was a lesson in growing up, and it must await its turn to be told in this journal.
"Finally, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord"
Philippians 3:1
